One night, the Holy Spirit asked me why I wanted a boyfriend. When the words, 'so that I can be complete' came out of my mouth, I was startled. I wanted to take it back. I didn't mean that.
But I did...
You see, what had happened is that as He had helped me let Him in. His spirit, which knows me better than I know myself, had revealed to me the inner thoughts of my heart; thoughts I didn't even know existed. I would never have guessed it, I would have flat out denied it if someone else had told me but it was true. For the Spirit of God is God and God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19).
But that was the first step.
In the months that followed; my Father showed me His boundless love in every way and every single day! He made me complete in Him, He made me whole and I didn't even realise it at the time that the Holy Spirit was powerfully at work within me. He shaped me by grace until I came to be COMPLETE in Him and I realised He was all I ever and would ever need.
Sometime later, I sat with the Holy Spirit as he helped me figure out myself once again (which is one of the things I'm deeply thankful for because I never seem to know what's bothering me).
So we sat down and we talked and he helped me figure out what I 'needed'.
I realised that I had found love, in its purest form in Jesus so I wasn't looking for that. I had found companionship in the arms of my best friend Jesus so I wasn't looking for that either because I talk to him all the time (sometimes out loud, so 'scuze me if I come across as odd lol).
So what then? Did I even still need a guy and for what purpose?
So I felt him asking me, what is your greatest desire? And in all honesty, I do not say this to sound 'spiritual' but my greatest desire is to please God and glorify Him in all I say or do until I leave this earth. I want to never stop running towards God.
I felt him asking again, what do you like to do? That was easy. Worship! I love to sing to God and He helps me do that a lot.
And that was it!
The kind of man that was good for me is a man that loves, fears and serves the Lord. A man that is already running towards God so that together, we could run together at double, if not triple, speed. A man that would help me live out God’s purpose, as I do the same for him. And also, a man that is musically inclined in some way so we can worship God together .
Once he had helped me figure this out. I knew what to pray and I did, with His help of course, knowing that because it is in accordance to His will, I have not prayed amiss.
My gracious and most loving Father had searched my heart and helped me realise what I needed, not what I wanted. Through His Spirit, He had worked to bring to the surface the true intents of my heart. He then worked in me and helped me see the kind of man that was right for me. He also followed this up with showing me men like that in His Word!
The first man was Elkanah. This is easily overlooked but God showed me that Elkanah was instrumental in fulfilling Gods plan for Hannah's life, which would be to birth Samuel. Despite the fact that having a child was an even bigger deal then than it is now, Elkanah loved his wife even when she bore him no children (1 Samuel 1:8). After several years of waiting, he agreed to give up this child to God. Only a man with the love of God in his heart can do that and as such, he supported and played a part in fulfilling Hannah's purpose (1 Samuel 21-28).
Another man is Joseph. He loved like Jesus as well because he chose not to disgrace Mary when he found out she was pregnant but to divorce her quietly (Matthew 1:19) When the angel appeared to Joseph and told him, he obeyed and went back to take Mary as his wife (Matthew 1:18-25). Furthermore, the bible says he didn't sleep with her all the while she was pregnant for Jesus, showing that he acknowledged that the child was holy. He showed that he feared God (Matthew 1:25).
Once again, this is a man who loved, obeyed and feared God.
So I know that as He has shown me, He will give me a man who is instrumental in fulfilling His purpose for my life, as I will be in his.
I'm currently single. Am I eager to see this man in person? Of course! I want to see the man My Father thinks is worthy enough of His daughter's love LOL! But really, I'm not psyched about the idea of a ‘husband’; I still find that term weird. I just want to see the man God has in store. Until then, I can wait. Right now, I am having THE BEST time FLOATING IN Gods presence. This is not a joke. I am not merely content, I am bubbling with joy, joy that can never be taken away from me. Ha!
So until God brings this 'man' my way, I shall continue to find my identity in him and learn at his feet about His purpose for me. And I'll have fun with it too!
‘And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God’ (Romans 8:27).
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