Should I date someone I am not physically attracted to?



This is a relevant question because of the different perceptions a lot of people, particularly have on this topic. I hope to clear out some misconceptions as I answer this question.


WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ATTRACTION?

Some people believe that attraction is not in the ‘dictionary of God’s word’. They believe that God will send a 'godly guy' you have to settle for regardless of you being attracted to him or not. For a long time I used to think this way. I thought, ‘his ways are not our ways’, so I may not be attracted to the person he brings but I will have to settle. Then I read the book of Solomon (Song of Solomon) and I was amazed by how the couple adored each other – ‘How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant’ (Songs of Solomon 1:15-16). These verses, and more, were an expression of their attraction and love for each other. So yes, the concept of ‘attraction’ is in the bible.


May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Proverbs 5:18-19


WHAT IF GOD WANTS ME TO BE WITH SOMEONE I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO?

Also we must remember that God is not forceful and so he would not force someone on you. When you look at the first couple, Adam and Eve, God did not say to Adam ‘You must take Eve as your wife’. He sent Eve to Adam and Adam recognized for himself that she was the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). So we should not think that God will then force us to be with someone we are not attracted to.


LOOKING BEYOND THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE

What is important is to understand how God sees us. He looks upon the heart (1 Samuel 16:7) while most times we don’t look past a person’s physical appearance. It is very important to change this mentality because often times charm/ beauty can be deceptive. It is not wrong to have a preference but if you focus so much on physical attraction you might miss out on someone that is really amazing that might not necessarily be your preference or you might end up with a good looking guy that you are not compatible with. This does not mean that physical attraction is not important because it plays a role in relationships. However, it is just to emphasize the point that attraction can go beyond the outward appearance. Attraction can be something about the person’s personality or a quality that you like. It might be a person’s godly character you are attracted to or his leadership quality. You can only know this by looking past the outward appearance.

HE TICKS OFF ALL THE BOXES BUT I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM

So if a person ticks off all the boxes but you are just not attracted to him or her at first, you might want to get to know that person a little bit more and you might find the person more attractive with time. This happens to a lot of times and with a lot of married couples. Also it is important to pray while you are getting to know the person. However, if you find out that you are just not attracted to the person, then you should not go into a relationship. I cannot imagine being with someone that feels forced to be with me or does not find anything about me attractive and I am sure no one will want the same.

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