It has been a loooonggg while since I posted on here and I actually miss blogging!! I have been a lot more consistent on Instagram (@datingwithgodliness - follow if you are not doing so already). However there are some topics, I believe a long post can only do justice and Instagram would not quite do. So I would be dealing with this topic on here.

What are 'Relationship killers'?
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These are subtle things that slowly destroy a relationship or bond. Unlike deal breakers, they are not always obvious but they gradually slip into a relationship and can break the bond between a couple. As you read this post, you might be able to relate to a few things so, I am not just going to stop at pointing them out but I am also going to write about some tips on how to deal with them. 
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1. Lack of effective communication

Communication is not so much about what you say but how the person/audience receives and understands it. The ability of delivering your message and the other person receiving and understanding it as intended, is effective communication. This is an area that a lot of couples struggle with, especially when it comes to those tough conversations. A lot of things can affect proper communication i.e. perception, bad mood, method of communication, expectations etc. So you need to make sure that when you want to have those important conversations, you have them at the right time and the right way. For example, a deep meaningful conversation (DMC (it's a thing)) should be had face to face or over the phone, texting is not always appropriate because your message can easily be misinterpreted.

Tips:

•  Be intentional about communicating effectively.
• Check with your partner If he/she understands what you have said.
• As the receiver, always clarify when you are not sure, it is a big part of decoding the message.
• Call or meet face to face to have those important conversations.

2. Assumptions 

This comes right after communication because it is a result of poor communication. Most times we assume because we don't ask or talk about what is on our mind. Assumptions come from past experiences, expectations or perception. Assuming is not only bad because it is a relationship killer but it is also unfair to your partner because most times you have concluded without asking and would probably make decisions off that assumption. Again, if you take the next step to actually ask and have a conversation, you most times realize that the way you were thinking was completely different from what your partner had in mind.

​Tips: 

• Just talk about it and ask if you need extra information about a situation. 
• Keep an open mind ​

3. Unforgiveness

I cannot stress how important forgiving is in a relationship. When you hold a person in unforgiveness, you give the devil a foothold to plant seeds of negativity and resentment in your heart. Have you ever fought with someone and during the 'silent treatment' period you start to think about negative scenarios or even make up wild assumptions. When you finally make up and talk about it, you realize that half of the things you were thinking was wrong. That is what happens when you don't forgive and you stay angry. This is why the Bible says we should not let the sun go down on anger (Ephesians 4:26-27). It might not be easy to forgive immediately but you should try some of the tips below. 

Tips:

• Remember that no one is perfect, including yourself, so you both can upset each other. 
• Put yourself in the shoes of the person that hurt you, how would you want to be treated?
• Pause and talk about it when you are calm and have had some time to think about what you want to say. 
• Pray for the grace to forgive immediately (because it really be hard sometimes)!

4. Taking each other for granted ​

It is very easy to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted when you both get comfortable in your relationship. However, this can make the other person feel like you have lost interest in the relationship and it is not always one sided. I always advice that from the beginning of a relationship, to be yourself. If you like calling every day then do that but if you know it is something you are not good at, then either tell the person from the onset or try an alternative, text. If you don't like wearing make up all the time (for the sake of an example lol) then go out the way you feel comfortable. What I am saying, in essence, is if you start something and half way along the relationship you stop doing it because it was never something you liked doing, then it can be misconstrued. Your partner can feel like you are taking him or her for granted or you have lost interest in the relationship. THIS is not an excuse not to make an effort but it is really emphasizing that you be yourself even when making the effort!

I guess I kinda gave the tips here lol.

​5. Not supporting each other ​

​Support is so key in a relationship and by this I mean GENUINE support. You want the person you are with to be your biggest cheerleader. It can be discouraging when your partner is not supportive of your dreams, career, plans etc, whether they are big or small. Support can also mean you tell the person when they are going in the wrong direction and you go a step further to help them get back on track. It is really about being there, listening and given relevant feedback. 

Tips:

• Celebrate the small and big wins with your partner.
• Encourage your partner and cheer them on when things don't go according to plan .
• Always listen and give genuine feedback.
• Check on your partner without him/her bringing up the topic first. 

So these are the top 5 relationship killers in my opinion but I know there are so many others. So if you know anymore, leave a comment and let's discuss!

PS. Subscribe to Dating with godliness channel on Youtube - Dating with Godliness.

I am sure most of you are thinking, 'this is a pretty silly question. I mean if he says he is a christian, then well i guess he is'. Nevertheless, this is a very important question and even more relevant in this day and age. A lot of us identify as christians because we come from a christian home or because we go to church every Sunday and maybe once in a weekday. However, our lifestyle is completely different from the lifestyle of a Christian. Now before you stop reading, I want to make it clear that Christians are not perfect beings but we strive everyday, through the help of the Holy Spirit, to live and love like Christ.

The bible says we should not be unequally yoked. So most times people are satisfied with the fact that the person they want to be with says he or she is a christian. It should not stop there though because there is a need to discern if the person lives by faith or by flesh. Why? Because the basis for wanting to be with a christian is not just to tick off another commandment in the bible but because of the benefits being with a christian comes with. Dating and eventually marrying a christian means you have a prayer partner, a person that fears God, a person that know who he/she is in Christ, a person whose principles are based on the bible, a person that deals with situation through faith and not fear and most importantly a person who can love you the way God ordained him or her too. 

So How do you know he/she is a christian? 
There are some questions you need to ask yourself and you can only answer these questions by discerning with the help of the Holy spirit. 

1. Does he/she live by God's power?
The bible says that the kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk, it is by living by God's power (1 Cor 4:20). What jumped to me when I read this verse was that it is not just claiming you are a christian but living by the power of God. Living by faith and facing situations and trials with faith. The question is does he/she live by faith. This is also a personal question we need to ask ourselves too.

2.Does he/she indulge in sin?
Yes, God forgives us every time we sin and we are made righteous through our faith. However, this does not give us, as christians, the license to continue sinning. So if you find yourself with someone that claims he is a christian yet still finds himself finding pleasure in sin, then it throws a big question. Now this does not mean christians do not struggle. However, no one enjoys struggling. Thus, we constantly fight to overcome that struggle (amazing thing is as christians we have the help of Jesus to overcome all strongholds!) but when we find ourselves enjoying that struggle, it is no longer a struggle but a conscious choice.

3. Does he/she produce the fruits of the spirit?
This goes to looking at a person's character. A fruit is the produce of the seed sown inside of you. So when the bible talks about fruits and compares the fruits of the holy spirit and the fruits of the flesh, it goes back to what you dwell on and what you are led by. As a Christian led by the Holy Spirit, you should produce: peace, faithfulness, love, kindness, self - control (Gal 5:22-24). These are the types of character you should see in the person that calls himself a christian. But when the person shows fruits of sexual immorality, impurity, selfishness, anger and the likes (Gal 5:19-21) then it leads you to question their faith.

In all things remember to be prayerful and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit in making your decisions. I speak a bit more about this topic on my Youtube Channel. So if you want to hear more please click the 'subscribe' button below! 

Happy New Year Beautiful People!! 

​It has been a very looooong while since i last posted. I have been working on a few things. One of them being Dating With Godliness YouTube Channel! Yaayy lol

First things first, it is important to have a personal relationship with God, as an individual. It is possible for a person to encourage you to draw closer to God. But the desire to want to a relationship with God has to be a personal decision. You need to know God for yourself! It would be of no use trying to be about the ‘Christian life’ just to be with someone.
 
So if you both have or desire to have a solid relationship with God, how do you keep Him at the center of your relationship? Below are some of the ways you both can grow together in Christ.
 
You should not be in a sinful relationship
There is nothing that separates people from God as much as sin. Why? Because sin gives the devil a foothold to intimidate you and guilt trip you into feeling like you are not good enough or holy enough for God. This is just one way to look at it. So if you are in a relationship where you are both clearly going against God's word i.e. sex before marriage, you might find it difficult getting closer to God. Also for you to want more of God, you both need to be ready and willing to live for Him.
 
Sharing the Word together
You should both share the word together. Reading the word together helps you both grow in your understanding of God and also gives you direction in your relationship. You both grow as a couple, as you learn more on love, forgiveness and relationships, God's way. You can devote time for bible study & devotion or even share the word daily. 

Praying together
Prayer is key! You should both pray together. There is so much to pray about! You can pray about your purpose as a couple, for direction, for people, for purity and the list goes on. It is also important to pray when you are both making key decisions or going through trying times. Prayer is pretty much a good way to communicate with God and invite Him in your relationship. For where two or three are gathered in My name, I am there among them (Matthew 18:20).
 
Encouraging each other in prayer and with word
Sometimes temptation or trials come and it is easy to want to give in or give up. This is where having a partner who has a relationship with Christ is an advantage. As the stronger person in that situation, you should encourage your partner. This is why two is better than one, if either of them falls down, one can help the other up (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Even when things are going on fine, you should constantly remind each other who you both are in Christ. So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
 
Being each other's accountability partner 
It is important to be with someone who can hold you accountable, God’s way. God’s way is correcting in love and not in judgement. You both should be friends and comfortable enough to correct each other when one is doing wrong or going against God’s word. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17).
 
This post is not just for couples but also friends or pretty much any relationship where you want God to be the center. The list is also endless so please share other ways you believe can help you grow in Christ.
 
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near (Hebrews 10:25).
 

Loneliness is never a reason to get married. Plus if you are lonely, then truth is you need God. We are created with a ‘hole’ that only God can fill. So most times we find ourselves looking for people, habits, activities, career and relationships to fill this hole. We finally find these things but we realise they just don’t satisfy. This is why a person can finally get into a relationship or marriage and still feel lonely. However, when God comes into your life, you feel and are complete. You feel a type of satisfaction that you cannot get from anyone or from anywhere. Then God can say that though you are complete in me, “it is not good for you to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) and He sends you someone you can pour blessings in to and not someone that you see as a means to an end. 

​This might be the hardest thing to deal with because as much as we try to ignore the comments from our aunties and uncles or even parents, that pressure might still be there. However, in every situation, we should find joy in knowing that God has our back and has a beautiful plan for us! He has a purpose for our lives. Remember that you are not working on anyone’s time. So while culture might put a time limit or an age limit to when “you should get married”, it is important that you put your trust in God and trust His timing. Let God lead you at the right time and right age to the right person for you. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). ​

​And we are really happy for your friends but you are not your friends. This goes back to really knowing that God has a purpose for you and your prayer everyday should be for His perfect will to be done. More so, it is worth knowing that coveting is dangerous, not only because it is against Gods word, but because you end up not enjoying and learning in your season. So celebrate with your friends, be happy for them and be content in your season. He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11). 

​While attraction is key in every relationship, it should not be the only reason you make a relationship or marriage decision. The thing about infatuation is that it is short lived. When the high of the attraction wears off, you are stuck with reality and we can only hope you have not made the wrong decision. You have to get to know the person you are getting married to. This is something that takes time and you have to also be intentional and prayerful. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). 

I have heard of many stories of ladies getting married to a man because of his wealth and then finding in marriage that the source of his wealth is from black magic a.k.a juju a.ka. Babalawo a.k.a Iyalawo (you get the point). It is too late as they are used for sacrifice or have to pay the price with their spouse (It is that deep!). It is not wrong to get married to a wealthy man or woman, but if that is your only reason for getting married to them, then chances are you ignore the red flags. Remember, the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows (1 Timothy 6:10).

​When you think about marriage, if all you think about is the amazing dress, bridesmaid on fleek, Asoebi bella, Bella Naija, then your priorities are wrong. We all want that memorable wedding but you should not spend most of your courting season planning a wedding and not a marriage. A wedding will last a day or 2 or 4 but a marriage will last a lifetime. Prayer and studying God's word is key when thinking of getting married. Why? Because God instituted Marriage and only Him can tell you how he purposed it to be in your life. 

My prayer is you would all get married for the right reasons, your decision on who you choose to get married to will be spirit led and your marriage will be celebrated. In Jesus Name! Amen. 

We ask for God’s guidance in our most important decisions, yet we rely on our emotions or the physical when it comes to relationships/marriage. Marriage is so important and who you choose to marry is the second most important decision you would make (after your salvation) because you are choosing to be with someone till death do you part in other words FOREVER. Hence, this is one area where we need Gods direction. I have realised that when you let God direct your path, like He should, even if it does not go the way you planned, it always works out to be better than you could imagine because He makes ALL things work together for our good. So why not let him direct your every decision, including who you choose to marry or be in a relationship with.
 
When you want to make a decision concerning your relationship (or any decision really), these are some things you should know:
 
1. Always ask God for guidance: Always asks God to lead you. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:6). You can start to pray for your marriage before you meet the person you want to be with. Also when you meet someone you really like, pray about him or her. You do not have to wait till you are already invested in the relationship before you start praying, pray from the beginning. This applies to any other important decision you make. 

2. Know the voice of God: You should not wait till when you want to make a relationship decision to ask God for direction. Ask God for direction in the little things, in your daily decisions. By doing this you get to know how He speaks to you. This does not mean you cannot ask God for direction concerning your relationship now, even if you have never asked him about anything before. It just means that you need to spend more time in His presence and build that relationship. This shouldn’t stop when you have gotten your answer but should be ongoing and continuous. Your life would not be ordinary when God leads you! It would be full of supernatural and pleasant surprises. 

3. Trust in Him: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Always trust God through the process, He is not man that He would lie. If He has said you should put all your trust in Him and He would direct your path, then He would surely do so. Trust God even when it does not seem to go your way. Trust that when God says ‘NO this is not who I want you to be with’, He is really protecting you from the unknown and He has greater things in store for you. 

4. Peace: Finally, always know that where God is, there is constant PEACE. Some people get words of confirmation, some people hear audibly from God, some people get confirmations through dreams. However God speaks to you, there is one thing that is common amongst everyone that follows God’s direction and this is PEACE. An angel might not drop down and tell you ‘He/she is the one you shall marry’ but when God is in a situation, there is always peace. There is no confusion or second thoughts or doubts or anxiety.  If you are with someone that you do not feel peace about, then this is a big issue and it might be the Holy Spirit prompting you to leave that relationship. If you find yourself constantly anxious about a decision you have made, pray about it. 
 
Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6).
 
There should never be a decision you make without asking God first. Be it a relationship decision, a career decision or relocation decision. Whatever it is, always ask God for direction and he would lead you to the right path!

This post is dedicated to the most amazing man in my life, my lovely dad. He has so much wisdom and it is no surprise that he is the person I run to when I need relationship advice from a man’s point of view. When I spoke to him about relationships recently, he listed the 7 most important attributes to look for when evaluating a guy. I thought they were just too important for me not too share! So here are the 7 attributes a lady should look out for when deciding on a guy she wants to get married to: 

*The quotations are my dads direct speech to me*

1. God fearing: ‘What keeps a marriage together is the fear of God. It is the fear of God that causes you to pray. The fear of God will determine the decisions you make when you are faced with a challenge in your marriage’. This factor is so important because the fear of God literally determines the purpose and direction of a person’s life, as well as his values. It would equally shape your marraige. 

2. Religious Compatibility: Although the fear of God is important what is more important is a man that actually has a relationship with God. It is even more important to be compatible when it comes to your religious beliefs. Aside from the fact that a lot of religions acknowledge God, even amongst Christians there is still uniqueness in the way people serve God. So this point is focusing on your values as a Christian and if they align with each other. For example, do you both believe in fasting or taking all your decisions to God in prayer or speaking in tongues? These are things that matter if you want to build a home together. Remember, two cannot work together unless they are not agreed (Amos 3:3).

3. Potential: ‘He might not be where you want him to be now but do you see potential in him? What are his goals? Is he a lazy person or someone that is hard working? See, it is not just about him being smart academically but he also needs to be hard working’. The person you want to be with might not have everything together in the present. However, you might see potential in him. While it might not be so obvious who will be successful in life, there are some things that definitely lead to a person’s failure. Some of these things are laziness, unnecessary spending, a life dependent on self and not God. 

4. Disposition: ‘His disposition is important, is he a kind person, is he gentle?’ I have posted a lot about the fruits of the spirit. The character of the man you choose to marry is very important. It determines the way he would treat you and others around him. Does he have the fruits of the spirit? (Galatians 5:22). His character would show how much he is grounded in God. 

5. The company he keeps: ‘The friends a person keeps will impact the decisions he makes. You don’t want to be with someone that hangs out with friends that get drunk and stay out late. It would eventually influence him even if he does not believe in these things’. It is important to have godly friends that keep you accountable and also encourage you in your walk with God. On the other hand, friends can be distractions and they can also come in between your marriage and even more importantly your relationship with God. 

6. Family background (Social): The family he comes from is very important because this determines, to an extent, his values. ‘You need to take into consideration these differences when choosing who to get married to. This is even more important when there is a huge difference’. This is the part of getting to know him and how his upbringing might shape some of his values. You might find out that there are things you are yet to learn and you might also find out there are things that needs to change for your relationship to work. ‘What is of utmost importance is the guy himself and his beliefs, but be careful because a persons family/ parents can have a huge impact on him’. 

7. Family background (Economic): ‘When I look at my generation and my friends, I realise that most of us that are successful today did not come from rich homes. I lived in Ikorodu for example and my friend that lives in Ikoyi now grew up in Festac. This does not mean that if you are from a wealthy home you would not be successful. However, be careful to see that he wants to make something for himself’. The economic background of the family you marry into is also important, especially if it is quite different from yours. When it comes to family, these things might not be deal breakers but they are factors that need to be taken into consideration and discussed. 

You have to put your emotions aside and sincerely ask yourself these questions. If you are confident about your answers to these questions, then you have found a good guy! 

​WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ATTRACTION?
Some people believe that attraction is not in the ‘dictionary of God’s word’. They believe that God does not care about attraction and He will send a godly guy you have to settle for. I used to think this way for a long time. I thought, ‘his ways are not our ways’, so I may not be attracted to the person he brings but I will have to settle. Then I read the book of Solomon (Song of Solomon) and I was amazed by how the couple adored each other – ‘How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant’ (Songs of Solomon 1:15-16). These verses, and more, were an expression of their attraction and love for each other. So yes, the concept of ‘attraction’ is in the bible.

May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

WHAT IF GOD WANTS ME TO BE WITH SOMEONE I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO?
Also we must remember that God is not forceful and so he would not force someone on you. When you look at the first couple, Adam and Eve, God did not say to Adam ‘You must take Eve as your wife’. He sent Eve to Adam and Adam recognized for himself that she was the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). So we should not think that God will then force us to be with someone we are not attracted to.

LOOKING BEYOND THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE
What is important is to understand how God sees us. He looks upon the heart (1 Samuel 16:7) while most times we don’t look past a person’s physical appearance. It is very important to change this mentality because often times charm/ beauty can be deceptive. It is not wrong to have a preference but if you focus so much on physical attraction you might miss out on someone that is really amazing that might not necessarily be your preference or you might end up with a good looking guy that you are not compatible with. This does not mean that physical attraction is not important because it plays a role in relationships. However, it is just to emphasize the point that attraction can go beyond the outward appearance. Attraction can be something about the person’s personality or a quality that you like. It might be a person’s godly character you are attracted to or his leadership quality. You can only know this by looking past the outward appearance.
​
HE TICKS OFF ALL THE BOXES BUT I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM
So if a person ticks off all the boxes but you are just not attracted to him or her at first, you might want to get to know that person a little bit more and you might find the person more attractive with time. This happens to a lot of times and with a lot of married couples. Also it is important to pray while you are getting to know the person.  However, if you find out that you are just not attracted to the person, then you should not go into a relationship. I cannot imagine being with someone that feels forced to be with me or does not find anything about me attractive and I am sure no one will want the same.  

This is a relevant question. The answer however is not black or white because it really depends on a person’s conviction and his/ her intentions. Also there is no specific verse in the bible that states kissing is a sin or ‘thou shall not kiss’. So this is why we need a lot of wisdom from God to know what decision to make. I will always encourage everyone to personally pray about it and the Holy Spirit will convict you.
 
The answer to this question is based on the assumption that kissing is in the context of a relationship that is purposely leading to marriage. This is because kissing is an expression of affection, so I do not believe that you should just kiss someone you are just getting to know or someone you do not see yourself getting married to.  
 
 
HOW CAN KISSING BE WRONG?
 
So to answer the question - Is kissing wrong? Yes! Kissing can be wrong but it really depends on the intention of the people involved. The bible makes a lot of references to lust - anyone who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). This verse shows that you do not need to carry out the action but the thought alone is a sin on its own (i.e. adultery is a sin). So if the reason behind a person deciding to kiss in a relationship is based on fulfilling a lustful desire or the person lusts while kissing, then it is wrong and would be considered a sin. It does not matter if it did not end up with sex because like we see in the bible verse, the thought itself is considered a sin.
 
Another way kissing can be wrong is if it leads to sin. Kissing can be seen as foreplay, if you watch most movies, it starts with a long intense kiss and then it leads to more. That is why people make the decision not to kiss till marriage. Again let us look at scripture, the bible says if your eyes cause you to stumble (lust), pluck it out and throw it away (Matthew 5:29). This doesn’t mean you should literally pluck your eye out and throw it away lol but it means that you should cut off whatever causes you to stumble or lust. If you know, after reflection and prayer, that kissing your boyfriend/ girlfriend would lead you to doing more and you still decide to do it, then this is also wrong. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it (James 4:17).
 
 
SO KISSING IS NOT ENTIRELY WRONG?
 
Kissing might not always be wrong. There are different degrees in kissing, for example, a peck would most likely not lead to any lustful thought. Also some people say that their reason behind kissing is not lustful and it is purely an act of affection. In this case, kissing is not wrong. However, it is very important to always have boundaries. Regardless of how strong a person might be, only when they are put in certain situations can they really test their strength. Sexual immorality is not to be toyed with and there is no point testing your limit, instead you should set boundaries to avoid falling into sin! Some things you should think of or ask yourself when setting boundaries are: ‘Should we not kiss when we are alone?’ ‘Should we only kiss after we are engaged?’ ‘Should we only kiss once in a while?’  

These boundaries are very important but the most important above all is to pray about it. God is concerned with every detail of your life, so there is nothing you cannot pray about. You should pray about your decision to kiss and the boundaries you should set. 
 
CONCLUSION

Kissing is not a sin in itself; however, it can lead to sin either through your thought (lust), the degree of kiss and through it leading to more (sexual immorality). This is why as an individual, you need to be completely honest with yourself and ask yourself what the true reason behind wanting to kiss is. There is nothing worth going against God’s word for and if you are going to be with the person forever then the decision not to kiss at all should not be a problem. I hope the points below will help you make the best decision for yourself.
 
Abstain all together – If you know that kissing will definitely lead to doing more, abstain all together. Remember it is better to cut off your right hand if it will cause you to stumble or lust.
 
Do not cause another believer to stumble – So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall (Roman 14:13). A relationship takes two, it means dying to yourself and serving another. Your partner might battle with sexual immorality, maybe because of past experiences. Thus, he/she might want to stay away from anything that would lead to sexual immorality and this might include kissing. It is important to respect that decision. This is why you should have a discussion about your boundaries before you get into a relationship because you kissing might secretly make the other stumble or awaken sexual thoughts.
 
Who is the standard? It is very easy for us to conform to the standards of the world and because kissing is expected in a relationship, we think we have to follow that standard. However, we need to remember that Christ is the standard. If you are convicted to kiss only after marriage, then you do not need to do otherwise so you do not look 'weird' or seem 'extra'.
 
I pray that this post has helped anyone that needed an answer to this!

​                                                               INSTRUCTIONS FOR CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLDS
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
                                                                                          Ephesians 5:22
 
Now that we have a deeper understanding of what submission is, it is important to clarify some misunderstandings. Below are some beliefs women have on submission however it is far from what God wants it to be.

A man is superior to a woman - Submission does not make a husband superior to his wife. Although the husband is the head of the house, there is something about godly leadership that is very different from man's idea of leadership. When Jesus speaks about leaders he talks about the importance of serving (Matthew 20:26 NLT) - if you cannot serve first, you cannot lead. This applies to husbands too, for a man to lead a home he needs to know how to serve first. He needs to know that he has to put his wife and children first. Leadership is not flaunting authority over those under you but it is serving those under you (Matthew 20:25).

A submissive wife has to be a housewife – There is this idea that for a woman to be submissive, she needs to be a stay at home wife and her only job should be cooking, washing and ‘keeping’ her home. Now if we look at a wife of noble character, a Proverbs 31 wife, we can learn a lot about the characters a wife should have.  Proverbs 31, describes a noble wife as one that is hardworking but still takes care of her home. Proverbs 31:18 also make reference to a woman’s business (trading) being profitable – She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. So you need to understand that you do not have to be a housewife to be submissive to your husband. However if you want to be a housewife, this does not stop you from being submissive either.

PS. If you know it is not your joy to be a housewife, you should not marry a man that wants his wife to stay at home and not work. An important aspect of submission is accepting the leadership of whom you are submitted to. This is why you must not only marry a man that is submitted to God but also a man you are compatible with.

Be a slave to your husband – Submission does not mean that a wife turns into a slave in her home. It also does not give allowance for a man to mistreat His wife. The bible says that therefore a man should love his wife like Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Christ surrendered His life for us, He put us first, He protected us and He loved us. This is how God wants husbands to treat their wives. Thus you should want to be with a man that is submitted to God. As a woman, it is important to be with a man that values you and respects you.

Submission means you have no opinion as a wife – Submission is practical, it does not mean that you become mute in your marriage. A woman is a helper (Genesis 2:18) and can be a part of decision making in the home too. Also you have to make sure that you submit first of all to the will of God before you submit to any man. So in a situation where your husband wants to get you involved in something that is against the will of God, you know that God's will comes first and that you will choose that over anything else. 

Just like every other command in the bible, you need the grace of God to obey and practice submission. This is why we need to first of all be submitted to God. We also need to be very careful with whom we choose to marry because as a Christian lady, we are commanded to submit to our husbands. So you should not get married to a man whose heart is not submitted to God, or to a man that is abusive or a man you cannot see yourself submitting to.